Interests: .thinking of unfinished story ideas.
.writing.
.listening to sermons.
.philosophizing.
.film.
.asian film.
.japanese culture.
.anime.
.manga.
Favorite japanese films:
.Swallowtail Butterfly.
.Go.
.Postman Blues.
.Monday.
Expertise:
.being harder than hard-headed.
.ignorance unfeigned.
.questioning.
.being pinocchio.
I drive you crazy, As I said that I would Do you still want me? I don't see how you could
This is the way that I've been This is what I have to change I want to be better Have much more to offer But I can't alone, so please say you'll stay
I'll win you over I've never been so sure Take my every word All for you I'm for I'll win you over I'm never giving up. And though changing takes a long time, I'll do anything for love... for love
I'm sorry, baby But I meant all I said It's just not the time now So you go on ahead
This is the way that I've been This is what I have to change I want to be better, Have much more to offer I'm gonna try alone, so please do not stay
But you've won me over You've never been so sure I took your every word All for me, you were You've won me over Don't say you're giving up You knew that changing took a long time, and would do anything for love
You told me all these things, For better or for worse I recall every single moment Stays with me like a curse You can't just take it back Your words were mine to keep Just don't forget that I'm the one you need
You've won me over You've never been so sure I took your every word All for me, you were You've won me over Don't say you're giving up You knew that changing took a long time, said you'd do anything for love
This is the way that I've been There's so much I have to change I'm gonna be better Have much more to offer But I can't right now, so hopefully one day...
Day four..
It's been 3 days so far. And there's so much to soak in... to think about. It's
been eye-opening.. encouraging to see what God is doing in Japan
through this church, encouraging to see how lives are touched by God in
a nation where ministry is so hard, discouraging to see how hard
ministry is here, sobering to see how much sacrifice it takes,
challenging to see how life would be like as a long-term missionary
here, gripping to take another look at my life and what I value, what I
want, what I think I need, and humbling to see my life in light of its
brevity and the cause of the Kingdom of God.
Reality bites..
Reality
check, one, two. I always thought it would be easy for me to leave
America, and live as a missionary in Japan. But the cost is high. I'm
not even talking about the cost of comfort. A comfortable life without
the hardships of living for the gospel and His kingdom... would gnaw at
me, disturb me, haunt me.. until the foundations of my soul would be
eaten away, giving way for my mind to sink-hole into depression. The
worldly comfortable life is not genuine comfort at all.
O, but
the remnant of comforts this broken world offers! Marriage. Family.
Kids. Friends. Decent pay. Living without debt. Not having to worry
about money for the family.
To live the missionary life.. with school
debt, with a future marriage and family.. I had not thought about this
as much. Reality can bite harder than even the best of intentions.
To
graduate with tens of thousands of dollars of school debt to repay, the
pressure of finding a full-time job (that many times requires overtime
and work on weekends) in another country, of maintaining a work-visa,
repaying school debt, paying living cost bills, devoting time and
energy to learning another language (while all they want is to learn
your language), dating, a future marriage to prepare for, a future
family to support, while not having enough time/energy to do
significant ministry..
I can see why the apostle Paul wrote:
"What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those whohave wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if notengrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away." - 1 Cor 7 : 29 - 31
The cost..
Almost
all of the long-term missionaries (1-2 year commitments) here at
J-House (the church I'm at) are females. All of them are single. And
they are well in the age of marriage, and a few are 'beyond', by
cultural standards. Imagine the pressure from their families, friends,
and.. their own selves. Is marriage a bad thing? No. It is a
glorious thing to enjoy. Even our epoch, the chapter of paradise
lost.. where live is but a broken remnant of the way it was supposed to
be, where death reigns, where cancers kill, where diseases and famine
wipe out generations of parents and children, where poverty rules
instead of peace... we have remnants of life before the great Fall.
Marriage is one of them. A broken remnant it is; one that causes both
deep joy and anguish; love and hate; embrace and rejection; pleasure
and pain. The shards of its broken visage reflect its glory... and
yet, its jagged edges cut deeply into our souls.
What cost, what price.
I
cringe anytime I hear that the grace, mercy, healing, and life Jesus
offers is free. Where do we see this in the Bible? He offers us
everything. And His invitation requires our everything. The fishermen
dropped everything they had.. to follow Jesus. It costs everything to
be God's disciple.
But it's worth it.
May I live my life.. by the passion of being captured by the worth of the King, and His kingdom. And moreso by the worth in which He sees in me.
How strange, that when we see His worth and cry, "Worthy!" we hear a Voice from Heaven which cries back to us, "You are so precious.. worth so much more than you can imagine.. You are my beloved son, my beloved daughter.. in whom I was pleased to ransom for with my one and only Son."
Freely You gave it all for us Surrendered Your life upon that cross Great is the love Poured out for all This is our God Lifted on high from death to life Forever our God is glorified Servant and King Rescued the world This is our God
-- EDIT -- Arrived at Incheon Airport, Korea, waiting out a 5 hour layover. The bathroom stalls here are cool.. enclosed, with long doors and no peek openings. Nothing like taking a crap in privacy. In a public place.
It is 6:36am here.
Apparently Visa is accepted in stores here.. but don't see any signs for Mastercard. Heard it's like that in Japan, too.
The new Jason Upton album, '1200 FT Below Sea Level' as well as the new Jesus Culture album, 'Your Love Never Fails' are really good!
Please excuse me... some really cute girl wants to converse with me. I mustn't be inconsiderate.
---
4 hours till boarding.
18 hours till setting foot on a nation with a 0.5% (conservative) - 1.5% (generous) christian population.
The country I may be called to.
What is the Spirit of God doing in Japan?
May i have eyes to see the natural, as well as into the spiritual.
If the chapters of your life were to have one threaded theme, what would it be?
If your life were to become a message to people, what would your life's message be?
My initial response to the second question would be something like,"I haven't lived enough of life to have a significant message." But then I realized that if I waited till old age to have a significant message... I would have lived most of my life sharing nothing significant with others. People do not need to live a long life to have a significant message, a significant passion, a significant pursuit. I don't want to waste my life. This one is all I've got.
Sometimes passion finds us. And we are consumed by it, and live for it. Sometimes it takes diligence... to seek out and pursue passion.
One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. Psalm 27 : 4
What is more, I consider
everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing
Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and
be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from
the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness
that comes from God and is by faith. I
want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the
fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his
death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Not
that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made
perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus
took hold of me. Brothers,
I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I
do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3 : 7 - 14
